It’s not always hearts and flowers on Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is nearly upon us.  For some February 14th is ‘the most romantic day of the year’, filled with roses and hearts and dinners-for-two.  For others it can highlight and increase their feelings of loneliness and isolation. These feelings may lead you into making some bad decisions.  Some people self-isolate, heightening their feelings of loneliness and disconnection. Others may be tempted to reinitiate contact with an ex, even though they know that the relationship was toxic or they might say yes to a date with someone that they don’t have any romantic feelings towards, just to make themselves feel better about being alone.

While it’s tempting to try and do your best to avoid the day, it isn’t going to go anywhere in the foreseeable future.  This year roughly 37% of people in the UK are thought to be participating in the holiday, spending roughly £855 million. What can make a difference is working to acknowledge, accept and ultimately change the feelings that Valentine’s Day sparks in you.

It may be helpful to take a moment to acknowledge that your feelings are real and valid.  Too often we spend our time dismissing and invalidating our feelings because they seem out of step with societal norms. Recognise that the feelings you’re having are possibly being heightened by seeing all the hearts and flowers marketing, but that this will pass.  In just a couple of days all the hoopla will be over and flowers and heart-shaped chocolate boxes will be discounted everywhere.

It might be helpful to apply the 10-10-10 rule to whatever it is that you’re feeling.  Will this still bother you in 10 minutes, 10 hours or 10 days? If the answer to this is yes, then perhaps there’s something more going on that you can investigate and actively do something about, rather than just blaming Valentine’s Day.

If you really think about what’s bothering you, it may not be the lack of a romantic relationship at all.  Perhaps you’re feeling disconnected from your friendship group or you feel like you’re missing out on taking part in activities because you don’t want to go alone? Maybe your self-esteem has been holding you back from taking part in the activities that you enjoy, instead of it being about needing a partner?

Sometimes having an impartial listener can help you sort through the feelings you’re experiencing, helping you to understand what the real issues are underneath the emotions. Working with a hypnotherapist can help you learn skills to help you understand your emotions and thoughts better, enabling you to think about the events that occur in your life in more productive ways.  You may also learn techniques that help you examine your short and long term goals, cultivate your purpose in life, and understand feedback from key people in your life.

You can find a fully-trained, accredited and insured hypnotherapist near you by using the NCH directory.